Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

I touch the future. I teach. - Christa McAuliffe

Most of our future lies ahead. - Denny Crum

Only you can control your future. - Dr. Seuss

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Your past does not determine your future. - Nido Qubein

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

The future belongs to those who prepare for it today. - Malcolm X

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. - Steven Wright

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present. - Roger Babson

If you can see the magic in a fairytale, you can face the future. - Danielle Steel

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present. - Unknown

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders. - Sheryl Sandberg

The past attracts me, the present frightens me, because the future is death. - Guy de Maupassant

Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. - Ann Landers

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

If we tried to sink the past beneath our feet, be sure the future would not stand it. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. - Denis Waitley

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Unless you devote an enormous amount of time to anticipating the future, you won't have any future. - Ron Chernow

When the clergyman's daughter
Drinks nothing but water
She's certain to finish on gin. - Rudyard Kipling

Map out your future - but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip. - Jon Bon Jovi

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future. - St. Theresa of Lisieux

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. - Sydney J. Harris

I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is. - Donald Trump

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown