#1 humor site on the 'net

Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

Bartender invitation sign

Meet Your Future Ex-Wife thanks to Chris Johnson

QuotaBills
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future. - Robert H. Schuller

The best way to predict the future is to invent it. - Alan Kay

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable. - Seneca

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Remember the past, live in the present, look to the future. - Joe Segal

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

The future you shall know when it has come; before then forget it. - Aeschylus

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. - Paul Boese

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

You don't just stumble into the future. You create your own future. - Roger Smith

The past attracts me, the present frightens me, because the future is death. - Guy de Maupassant

Our imagination is the only limit to what we can hope to have in the future. - Charles F. Kettering

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. - George Carlin

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

The future will be what it will, and fretting about it will only make your fears more likely to come true. - Christopher Paolini

The irony of the matter is that the future generations do not have a vote. In effect, we hold their proxy. - Charles J Hitch

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. - Sydney J. Harris

I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is. - Donald Trump

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

To make no mistake is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future. - Plutarch

Canceled checks will be to future historians and cultural anthropologists what the Dead Sea Scrolls and hieroglyphics are to us. - Brent Staples

I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future. - Caroline Kepnes

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown


Husband Colors

Mac Supports Windows

Me First!

Latest Ukrainian Model

Chocolate Bath

Becoming A Cop

Handicap Swing

Lawn Aeration

Soup Of The Day

Black Eye

Teen Shoe

He Wants In

Who's Watching Whom?

Wine Glass Chair

Flight Change

No Feeding

How It's Done

Toad Selfie

Daily Rain Gauge

RSVP

France-Is Bacon

Do Not Touch Sign

Giant Step For Mankind

SirLoin