Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

Radio has no future. - Lord Kelvin

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Inspiration is remembering the future. - Unknown

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

The future is made of the same stuff as the present. - Simone Weil

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. - Steven Wright

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

The future you shall know when it has come; before then forget it. - Aeschylus

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future. - Jimmy Carter

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. - Thomas Jefferson

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Upper classes are a nation's past; the middle class is its future. - Ayn Rand

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas

Hold on to a ray of hope, and a promise of future... and follow your dreams. - Unknown

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. - George Carlin

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

But can we, should we, let apprehensions about the future immobilize us in the present? - Arundhati Roy

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. - Franklin D Roosevelt

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

And I was afraid because I knew I had outgrown my past before I could see a path to my future. - Han Nolan

That man is prudent who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the future. - Anatole France

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

Map out your future - but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip. - Jon Bon Jovi

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future. - St. Theresa of Lisieux

Canceled checks will be to future historians and cultural anthropologists what the Dead Sea Scrolls and hieroglyphics are to us. - Brent Staples

If I advocate cautious optimism it is not because I do not have faith in the future but because I do not want to encourage blind faith. - Aung San Suu Kyi

I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future. - Caroline Kepnes

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller