Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Liquor Store: A stupor market - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future. - Kevin Kline

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable. - Seneca

Where there is no future before a people, there is no hope. - Edward Wilmot Blyden

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I am glad I will not be young in a future without wilderness. - Aldo Leopold

Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present. - Roger Babson

Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future. - Jimmy Carter

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present. - Unknown

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. - Dean Acheson

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas

In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders. - Sheryl Sandberg

The past attracts me, the present frightens me, because the future is death. - Guy de Maupassant

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. - Casablanca

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. - George Burns

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. - Ambrose Bierce

The best way to secure future happiness is to be as happy as is rightfully possible today. - Charles W. Eliot

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind of the present moment. - Buddha

My mother gave me my drive, but my father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future. - Liza Minnelli

From the example of the past, the man of the present acts prudently so as not to imperil the future. - Titian

Our children may learn about heroes of the past. Our task is to make ourselves architects of the future. - Jomo Mzee Kenyatta

Real happiness is not of temporary enjoyment, but is so interwoven with the future that it blesses for ever. - James L Basford

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future. - St. Theresa of Lisieux

Don't major in the minors. Do the tough things first and take control of both your carer and your future. - Peter Legge

A good financial plan is a road map that shows us exactly how the choices we make today will affect our future. - Alexa Von Tobel

A nation that does not stand for its children does not stand for anything and will not stand tall in the future. - Marian W Edelman

God is in the resume-building business. He is always using past experiences to prepare us for future opportunities. - Mark Batterson

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

Canceled checks will be to future historians and cultural anthropologists what the Dead Sea Scrolls and hieroglyphics are to us. - Brent Staples

Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future. - Caroline Kepnes

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller