#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Bass Tape Measure

How Bubba measures his fish catch

Redneck Bass Tape Measure thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Bacon is duct tape for the kitchen. - Unknown

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Love is the net where hearts are caught like fish. - Muhammad Ali

You can't fix stupid - not even with duct tape. - Unknown

I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf

If the client moans and sighs,
Make his logo twice the size. - John Trench

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister. - Phyllis Diller

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

It's not the size of the man in the fight, but the size of the fight in the man. - Unknown

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

Size isn't everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine. - Bill Vaughan

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

I'd have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didn't have a tape measure. - Groucho Marx

By the time I taught myself the bass guitar at the age of 14, my hands were already pretty nimble. - John Entwistle

Our ideas, like orange-plants, spread out in proportion to the size of the box which imprisons the roots. - Edward Bulwer Lytton

I keep looking for one more teacher, only to find that fish learn from the water and birds learn from the sky. - Mark Nepo

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. - Mark Twain

If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you. - T. Harv Eker

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


Helping Hands

Short On Electricity

Amish Friends

Spiral Roots

Tree Sorrow

Domino Crossing

Family Reunion

Roll Me Over

Hockey PlayHers

Concealed Weapon

Lettuce Face

Devoted Husband

Dental Car

Donut Seeds

Pill Man

Bus Wait Weight

It Should Start

Hi, My Name's Cliff - Drop Over Some Time!

Sparks Recycling

Last Gasp Request

Flower Shop For Men

Canadian Archaeology

Tank Top Security

One Beer A Day