#1 humor site on the 'net

Roo With No Respect

What's it doing with a foreign beer?

Roo With No Respect thanks to Howard Chapman

Roo With No Respect thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Any time you're near a kangaroo, it's a close call. - Jerry O'Connell

It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline. - Sid Waddell

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. - Todd Barry

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

I'm fairly adventurous with my eating. I've tried kangaroo, and Moreton Bay bugs, which are a kind of lobster, are so good. - Brian O'Driscoll

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Pine Trees Know When It's Easter

Beware Of Who Is Watching Over Your Church

Handicap Ramp

Kick Out Boxing

Patience and Wisdom

Submarine Racing

Dead Sea Burgers

Sick Statue

I Will Never Understand Fashion

Courtesy Option

Ab Enhancer

Family Planning Advice

Cracks Me Up

Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car