#1 humor site on the 'net

Smoking Cat

Trying to stop pets from smoking dropped cigarette butts

Smoking Cat thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. - Benjamin Disraeli

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. - Mark Twain

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

The Wright Brothers flew through the smoke screen of impossibility. - Dorothea Brande

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. - Mark Twain

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat. - Ogden Nash

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. - George Burns

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Sleep is like my cat. I can call him by his name, but he still won't come to me. - Shane Koyczan

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

I don't smoke dope, I don't drink bourbon. All I want to do is shake my turban. - Peter Singh

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Lord Alfred Tennyson

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. - Steven Wright


Wet Floor Caution

Chef Multitasking

Camera Waterfall

Irony Pin

Cellfies

Where Safety Begins

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Bad Ass Fire Truck

What A Deal

Moon Theft

Sushi Spine

Redneck Skateboard

Polar Bear Photographer

Friday the 13th

LadyNet

I Can Explain It

Parallel Parking Car

Frog Long Jumper's Rest Break

Road To Nowhere

Hobbit Love

Vibrations

On Short Notice

Octopi

Big Birthday Surprise