Things Bottled Up

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

In wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Enoki mushrooms, a tasty variety commonly sold in grocery stores, were one of the first mushrooms studied for preventing cancer. - Paul Stamets

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison