Beer Rescue

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

The genie can't be pushed back into the bottle. - David N Leff

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

People are trapped in history and history is trapped in them. - James A. Baldwin

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Tavern: 1. Thirst come, thirst served; 2. A place where madness is sold by the bottle. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

Life is a puzzle, the more you try to resolve it, the more you'll get trapped in it's mystery. - Rahul Singh

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. - Steven Wright

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The Duchess smashed the bottle against the bow and amid the applause of the crowd she slid on her greasy bottom into the sea. - Unknown

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah