Beer Rescue

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

The genie can't be pushed back into the bottle. - David N Leff

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

The mouse that fears the trap has already been trapped. - Marty Rubin

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Tavern: 1. Thirst come, thirst served; 2. A place where madness is sold by the bottle. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. - Tom Robbins

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

God is not a genie in a bottle, and your wish is not His command. His command better be your wish. - Mark Batterson

Life is a puzzle, the more you try to resolve it, the more you'll get trapped in it's mystery. - Rahul Singh

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. - Steven Wright

Some wish to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell. - C.T. Studd

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The Duchess smashed the bottle against the bow and amid the applause of the crowd she slid on her greasy bottom into the sea. - Unknown

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah