Beer Rescue

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

The genie can't be pushed back into the bottle. - David N Leff

The mouse that fears the trap has already been trapped. - Marty Rubin

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

People are trapped in history and history is trapped in them. - James A. Baldwin

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. - Tom Robbins

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. - Steven Wright

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The Duchess smashed the bottle against the bow and amid the applause of the crowd she slid on her greasy bottom into the sea. - Unknown

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster