#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Fireplace Tip

Placing empty boxes under the Christmas tree

Christmas Fireplace Tip thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Placebo Christmas presents for naughty children

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Love in its essence is spiritual fire. - Emanuel Swedenborg

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. - Benjamin Disraeli

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. - Robert Frost

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. - Abigail Van Buren

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

You'll never be as lazy as whoever names the fireplace. - Unknown

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. - Plutarch

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

Be enthusiastic as a leader. You can't light a fire with a wet match. - Unknown

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

No amount of facts in his head can compensate for the lack of fire on his lips. - Vance Havner

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor

Catch on fire with enthusiasm, and people will come for miles to watch you burn. - John Wesley

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire. - Arnold H Glasow

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

Some preachers ought to put more fire into their sermons or more sermons into the fire. - Vance Havner

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech. - Franklin P Jones

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? - Unknown

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Years steal fire from the mind as vigor from the limb; and life's enchanted cup but sparkles near the brim. - Lord Byron

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done. - Ronnie Corbett

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

Well, yes, I've fired a lot of people. Generally I like other people to fire, because it's always a lousy task. But I have fired many people. - Donald Trump


Trinidad vs UK Police

Pastor's Donkey

Wire Trees

Redneck Dog House

Wheelchair Wedding

Stray Dog Rescue

A Short Dump

Speaking The Truth

Anti Social Social Club

Punctuation Matters

A Beautiful Message About Growing Old

Ice Cream Rose

Wedding Pound Cake

Parking Justice

Is This Really Happening?!

The Explanation

High Strung Violinist

Deodorized Pads

Leteracy Night

Redneck Baby Carriage

Stealth Readers

Good Stuff Or Else

Productive Computers

Poodle Power