#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Fireplace Tip

Placing empty boxes under the Christmas tree

Christmas Fireplace Tip thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Placebo Christmas presents for naughty children

QuotaBills
Love in its essence is spiritual fire. - Emanuel Swedenborg

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. - Benjamin Disraeli

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself. - Mark Twain

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. - Abigail Van Buren

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings. - JRR Tolkien

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

Contentment consisteth not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire. - Thomas Fuller

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. - Stephen R. Covey

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love. - William Shakespeare

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

To have a curable illness and to leave it untreated except for prayer is like sticking your hand in a fire and asking God to remove the flame. - Sandra L. Douglas

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

Well, yes, I've fired a lot of people. Generally I like other people to fire, because it's always a lousy task. But I have fired many people. - Donald Trump


Skywalking

Low Ceiling Workout

Maxi Boot Sorbet

OCD Highschool

Kona Lisa

Fire Distinguisher

An Apple A Day

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Redneck Book Holder

Cold Canada Winter

Snow Reservations

Must Catch Pokemon

Flat-Earthers

Boy Scout Scooter

COLD Fairbanks

Diet Hard

The Bicycle Tree of Vashon Island

Commemorative Pistol

Rad Cat - Curled Up Cat Nap

A Dog's Worst Nightmare

Bike Park - Where'd It Go?

Yoga Man

Dog Walking For a Healthy Lifestyle

Outhouse Bike