#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Roof Tree

How to fit even the biggest tree into your living room

Christmas Roof Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A roof stretching over the Atlantic Ocean. - Ernest Bevin

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time. - Katrina Mayer

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees. - Henry David Thoreau

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

Bountiful: What Captain Bligh declared after learning that one more breadfruit tree would sink his ship - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

He that climbs the tall tree has won the right to the fruit; he that leaps the wide gulf should prevail in his suit. - Walter Scott

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash


Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox

Pre-Dinner Photography

Curses, Foiled Again

Ant Virus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Bird's Eye View

Sea Girl

Lifeguard Distancing

Merry Go Motorbike

Build Back Better - Season 2

Build Back Better - Season 1

Zamboni Date

Bagpipe Runners

9 Months On The Inside

Noah Called

The Mighty Stegosaurus

Get A Dog They Said

Are You Ready?

Down Day

Peddle Sewing Machine Sink