#1 humor site on the 'net

Diet Utensils

Weight loss programs that are hard to handle

Diet Utensils thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

The dieting wars have got to stop. - Lady Gaga

Life is too short to be on a diet. - Taylor J Reid

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. - Tom Stoppard

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Don't dig your grave with a knife and fork. - English Proverb

I've probably tried every fad diet in the world. - Jenna Ushkowitz

Liam's like a man with a fork in a world of soup. - Noel Gallagher

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

The first couple of days on the detox diet aren't pleasant. - Carol Vorderman

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Once you lose the weight, you're really anxious to eat healthy. - Etta James

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

I'm an emotional eater. When I get upset, my diet goes out the window. - Kelly Osbourne

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort. - Dolly Parton

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

I'm off the diet, but not the treadmill. I speak as someone who's attempted to lose weight and get fit thrice before in my life. - Ronnie Screwvala

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach