#1 humor site on the 'net

Don't Want Your Child To Text And Drive?

No-distraction driving with a manual transmission

Don't Want Your Child To Text And Drive? thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Harlez Vous Francais?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? - George Carlin

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Have fun, be active. Ride a bike instead of driving, for example. - Dan Buettner

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. - Maxwell Maltz

My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood. - Salma Hayek

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

There are moments when Art almost attains to the dignity of manual labor. - Oscar Wilde

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. - Phyllis Diller

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Intelligence is like a 4 wheel drive - it allows you to get stuck in more remote places. - Garrison Keillor

You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. - Roger Bannister

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Life as pool table,
White is focus,
Others, targets.
Stick is your driving force! - Stricketer

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Most of the competition was into bulk popcorn because of the major increases in the Drive-In Theatre Outlets. - Orville Redenbacher

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. - John S Mill

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

New Zealand was one of the most beautiful countries to drive through for the scenery and the vast scale of the place. - Louise Nurding

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

Eden is that old-fashioned house
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away. - Emily Dickinson

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake? - Dylan Moran

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Religions, which condemn the pleasures of sense, drive men to seek the pleasures of power. Throughout history power has been the vice of the ascetic. - Bertrand Russell


Lunch Anyone?

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration

Tennis Ball Retriever

One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk

Dates For Everyone

Max Occupancy Rounded to 100

Group Photo

Awning Truck Advertising

Harley Load

Face To Face

Who Needs Physics?

Benched Puppies

Water Relief

Shot Glasses

Men in Denim

Chocolate Couch

Ant Attack