#1 humor site on the 'net

Eat More Greens Diet

To lose weight I went on a dye it

Eat More Greens Diet thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Come to the dark side. We have cookies. - Unknown

Raisin cookies are why I have trust issues. - Unknown

Nobody ever died of being shot by a cookie. - Ilona Andrews

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

He doesn't dye his hair, he bleaches his face. - Johnny Carson

In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

Information is pretty thin stuff unless mixed with experience. - Clarence Day

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

You can't be a smart cookie if you have a crumbly attitude. - Unknown

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

A rich rogue is like a fat hog, who never does good 'til as dead as a log. - Benjamin Franklin

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look - that healthy equals beautiful. - Victoria Principal

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss

Desire is the key to motivation. It is the key to develop a healthy personality and a positive attitude towards oneself and others. - Amit Abraham

A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

A healthy, if well-concealed, respect for one's own capabilities is essential, but it should never lead to underestimating those of the opponent. - Jack Nicklaus


Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Fake News

Steep Steps

Better Lawyer

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Snow Detour

No Time For This

Kwik-Mart Math

Croatian Landscaping

Best Fairy Tale

Back In Five Minutes

Winterized Motorcycle

If IKEA Ran GM

Six Hunnit

Different Drugs

Extreme Value

Spotted Spotters

Ant Attack

Facebook Closure

African Meal on Wheels

Hadoukens

Free Gas

Wannabe Shoplifter

Breaker Bypass