#1 humor site on the 'net

Hobbit Tree House

My precious!

Hobbit Tree House thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time. - Katrina Mayer

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. - Unknown

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

The success that the Tolkien books had redefined modern fantasy. - George R.R. Martin

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - JRR Tolkien

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Bach Flip

Apathy Mountain

My Toaster Is Broken

Solemate

Double Vision

Please Help My Car

Adultery

Moses' USB Tablets

Virus Update

Carnations vs. Roses

Waterproof Notepad

Sudoku Cats

Harlie's Angel

Ladder Load

Road To Nowhere

Bartender Mechanic

Promote Yourself

Noteable Bartender

Microsoft Innovation

Complaint Jar

First Selfie

Leave My Drink Alone

Great Scott!