#1 humor site on the 'net

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral

When not to measure for an ironing table

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Measure twice, cut once. - Craftsman Aphorism

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

I was with book, as a woman is with child. - C S Lewis

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing. - Meryl Streep

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

A woman's always younger than a man of equal years. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The smiles of a pretty woman are the tears of the purse. - Italian Proverb

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. - Marilyn Monroe

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

Measure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so. - Galileo Galilei

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

That woman temptated me up there and you know she was a wonton woman. - Archie Bunker

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile. - Chris Hart

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse. - Laurence Sterne

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time. - Jorge Luis Borges

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx

After all, inside every woman, no matter how grown up she is, there is still a frightened little girl. - Sergei Lukyanenko

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

I believe there's an Almighty, and I believe the Almighty's great gift to each man and woman in this world is the desire to be free. - George W Bush


I Think I'll Just Go Around

People Of The River

Synonym Rolls

New Stormtrooper

Education Standstill

Pool Cleaner

Stool There

Soldier Tribute

It Was That Close

Messy Temper Tantrum

Big Tame Hunter

Exactly Enough Space

Coca Cola Twins

Sidetracked Baby

Breakthrough Blessings

Pauper's Graveside Service

Are You Ready?

Pulling The Wool Over Your Eyes

Girlfriends

How To Weigh Yourself Correctly

Bungee Cord Suspenders

Clogged Drain

Lum-Purr-Jack

Cookie King