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How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral

When not to measure for an ironing table

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Measure twice, cut once. - Craftsman Aphorism

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. - Socrates

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it. - Esai Morales

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes. - Robin Williams

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. - Marilyn Monroe

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong. - Mae West

Beauty is the first present nature gives to a woman and the first it takes away. - Fay Weldon

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. - Samuel Johnson

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. - Oscar Wilde

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

A simple way to take the measure of a country is to look at how many want in... and how many want out. - Tony Blair

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

Happiness, not money or prestige, should be regarded as the ultimate currency - the currency by which we take measure of our lives. - Tal Ben-Shahar

Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the woman who once slept here not knowing that someday one of her worst fears would come true. - Jennifer Castle

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain


Jarred Cat

Frog Waltz

SinkHole Pickup

Always Use Your Mirrors

Johnny On The Pot's Plumber Truck

Wrench Wheel

Bonsai Fruit Tree

Bussines Gaurd

Saxy Shoe

Mayweather Momma

What's Holding You Back?

Final Exams In North Korea

ORCAstraighted

'Outside The Box' Juggler

HeidleBurger

Sun Skin Tone

I Think I'll Just Go Around

People Of The River

Synonym Rolls

New Stormtrooper

Education Standstill

Pool Cleaner

Stool There

Soldier Tribute