#1 humor site on the 'net

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral

When not to measure for an ironing table

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb

A woman's work is never done - by men. - Unknown

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral. - Archie Bunker

Jade: A semi-precious stone or a semi-precious woman - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

You measure success by how much good you do for others. - Zig Ziglar

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it. - Esai Morales

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman. - Debra Messing

Spend your days pursuing the things you want said at your funeral. - Peter Legge

It is much easier to take care of a sackful of fleas than a woman. - German Proverb

As long as she thinks of a man, nobody objects to a woman thinking. - Virginia Woolf

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Unknown

The best years of a woman's life - the ten years between 39 and 40. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time. - Jorge Luis Borges

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

And what is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing. - Geoffrey Chaucer

A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform. - Diane Mariechild

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen

A woman described me as a bit of a looker the other day. Well, 'voyeur' was the actual word she used. - Gary Delaney

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the woman who once slept here not knowing that someday one of her worst fears would come true. - Jennifer Castle

Under the present circumstances, I would rather be a lap dancer than a woman MP - the hours are better and unruly male members are shown the door. - Allison Pearson


Bike Storage

Playground Child Eliminator

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Sidecar

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

Three Wise Women

Wrench Dinosaur

One More Drop

Idling Eric Idle

High Heel Diver

Rising To The Occasion

Annual Meeting of the Ontario Summer Tires Club

I See You

Get Off Your High Horse

Redneck Towing

Revenge of the Stallion

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body

Billy the Eagle Owl

Star Wars Fisherman

The Devil's Swimming Pool

Pet Dentist

Nuts And Fruitcakes