#1 humor site on the 'net

I Don't Want To Get My Pants Wet

Warm weather bird gets chilling reception

I Don't Want To Get My Pants Wet thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

The early bird catches the worm. - English Proverb

The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs. - Tanyas

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship. - William Blake

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. - Salvador Dali

Egg: 1. A day's work for a hen; 2. A bird's hometown. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

We'd show an Alzheimer's survivor here, if there were one. - Unknown

A bird in the hand is a certainty, but a bird in the bush may sing. - Bret Harte

In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm. - Alan Perlis

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. - Steven Wright

The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds come home to roost. - Arthur Miller

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will. - Charlotte Bronte

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Love is not only the story of butterflies or birds; it is also the story of jackals and hounds. - M.F. Moonzajer

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance. - e e cummings

We could not understand that there was anything about a bird that could not be built on a larger scale. - Orville Wright

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Just as the bird sings or the butterfly soars, because it is his natural characteristic, so the artist works. - Alma Gluck

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses. - Dale Carnegie

Success is full of promise till a man gets it; and then it is a last year's nest from which the birds have flown. - Henry Ward Beecher

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

You are Mr. Owl. I am Ms. Hummingbird. We may come from different species but as long as you're a bird, I'm a bird too. - Glad Munaiseche

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. - Steven Wright

A male frigate bird blows up a wild red pouch on his neck. He can keep it puffed up for hours. It is his way of impressing the girls. - Julie Murphy

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge


Biggest Fan On The Block

Senior's TV Tray

Potty 'Train'ing In India

A Woman Named Five Horses

Vegan Dentist

How To Conserve Gas

Rolling Shoes

How Twins Are Made

Cool Reading Room

Poor Lifetime

Be GarFul

Tooth Ferry

Ready For Rabbits

Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light

Can I Lick The Bowl

Redneck Shelves

Google Classic

In Touch Today

Delicious Grief

Amplified Beer

How to Twerk at Work

$383.00 Paint Job

Wine Time Finally