#1 humor site on the 'net

LED Christmas Light Tree

Christmas spectacular with 40,000 LED lights

LED Christmas Light Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

As an actor you become that lighting rod between the person who made the play and the audience. - Christopher Walken

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing

Lost Meal

Plane Oops!

The Wheels of Life

Nerd Shaving

Beethoven's Teacher

Coke's Special Ingredients