Make America Great Again

American cheese is the perfect soft taco. - Wylie Dufresne

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

America is a tune. It must be sung together. - Gerald Stanley Lee

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy. - John Updike

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? - Homer Simpson

The chief business of the American people is business. - Calvin Coolidge

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

The American Way of life, si! The American Way of death, no! - Archie Bunker

U.S. history - that's part of your whole American heresy. - Archie Bunker

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up. - Bill Vaughn

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. - D.H. Lawrence

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

I found a country [America] with thirty-two religions and only one sauce. - Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Perogord

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. - Adlai Stevenson

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball. - Jacques Barzun

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

In America nobody says you have to keep the circumstances somebody else gives you. - Amy Tan

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - Oscar Wilde

Vietnam was lost in the living rooms of America, not on the battlefields of Vietnam. - Marshall McLuhan

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. - Will Rogers

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

I can remember when Democrats believed that it was the duty of America to fight for freedom over tyranny. - Zell Miller

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America. - James Joyce

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

I get the feeling that the two biggest problems in America today are making ends meet, and making meetings end. - Robert Orben

My big focus is China and OPEC and all of these countries that are just absolutely destroying the United States. - Donald Trump

One good thing about living in America is that there is no neurosis too insignificant to merit its own paperback. - Deborah Solomon

America's present need is not heroics but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration. - Warren G. Harding

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

In America the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience. - Oscar Wilde

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

Reporter to Beatles during their first US tour: "How do you find America?"
Ringo Starr: "Turn left at Greenland." - Ringo Starr

If Aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. - Stephen Hawking

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford