Make America Great Again

America can't beat anyone anymore. - George Clooney

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Mexico's making a fortune off the United States. - Donald Trump

I came along when the black American needed an image. - Jesse Owens

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

The chief business of the American people is business. - Calvin Coolidge

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. - Gore Vidal

The United States has much to offer the Third World War. - Ronald Reagan

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

U.S. history - that's part of your whole American heresy. - Archie Bunker

America is the land of permanent waves and impermanent wives. - Brendan Behan

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy. - Margaret Thatcher

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. - D.H. Lawrence

The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. - Gore Vidal

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes. - Will Rogers

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - Oscar Wilde

Vietnam was lost in the living rooms of America, not on the battlefields of Vietnam. - Marshall McLuhan

The middle class. Since when in America do we have classes? That's Marxism talk. - Rick Santorum

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Why is America the last best hope of Earth? What if it's Liechtenstein? Or, worse, Canada? - Sarah Vowell

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. - Adlai Stevenson

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. - Will Rogers

Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. - Bill Clinton

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labor and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. - Grover Cleveland

I can remember when Democrats believed that it was the duty of America to fight for freedom over tyranny. - Zell Miller

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected. - Oscar Wilde

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore

To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client. - John Updike

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

I get the feeling that the two biggest problems in America today are making ends meet, and making meetings end. - Robert Orben

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

Americans still believe in an America where anything's possible - they just don't think their leaders do. - Barack Obama

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. - Abraham Lincoln

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

If Aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. - Stephen Hawking

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford