#1 humor site on the 'net

Make America Great Again

Liquid diet alternative for the United States

Make America Great Again thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Make America Great Again thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
American cheese is the perfect soft taco. - Wylie Dufresne

God Bless America, written by Milton Berlin. - Archie Bunker

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy. - John Updike

I'm as single as a slice of American cheese. - Nick Cannon

America is a land where men govern, but women rule. - John M Brown

Mexico's making a fortune off the United States. - Donald Trump

I pledge myself to a New Deal for the American people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense. - Ed Howe

The United States has much to offer the Third World War. - Ronald Reagan

Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

America is the land of permanent waves and impermanent wives. - Brendan Behan

The United States themselves are essentially the greatest poem. - Walt Whitman

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

No one flower can every symbolize this nation. America is a bouquet. - William Safire

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Communism has defeated itself everywhere except in American colleges. - Paul Harvey

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. - Gore Vidal

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

I found a country [America] with thirty-two religions and only one sauce. - Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Perogord

America forms the longest and straightest bone in the earth's skeleton. - Ellsworth Huntington

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

In America nobody says you have to keep the circumstances somebody else gives you. - Amy Tan

The middle class. Since when in America do we have classes? That's Marxism talk. - Rick Santorum

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

One third of the people in the United States promote while the other two thirds provide. - Will Rogers

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America. - Donald Trump

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. - Adlai Stevenson

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. - Bill Clinton

It's triple the Trump this season... I invited my children, Don Jr. and Ivanka into the boardroom. - Donald Trump

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore

To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client. - John Updike

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America. - James Joyce

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

I get the feeling that the two biggest problems in America today are making ends meet, and making meetings end. - Robert Orben

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

One good thing about living in America is that there is no neurosis too insignificant to merit its own paperback. - Deborah Solomon

America's present need is not heroics but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration. - Warren G. Harding

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business. - Donald Trump

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney


Karma Towing

2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Red Wine Diet

Snow Geese

Family Birthday Reminder

The Circular File

Pair Tree

'Top Down' Snow Removal

Winter Kayaking

Mustache Breeze

Something Positive

Snowstorm Closure

Cold Cross Bunny

Motorcycle For Sale

She's A Keeper

Winter Ready

Next Week Plans

Powerful Wind

Dr. OMG

Wolf Chase

Government Snow Plow

Your In America

Scenery Cut and Paste

Canadian Fridge