#1 humor site on the 'net

Make America Great Again

Liquid diet alternative for the United States

Make America Great Again thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Make America Great Again thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

America is addicted to wars of distraction. - Barbara Ehrenreich

America is a tune. It must be sung together. - Gerald Stanley Lee

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. - George Bernard Shaw

America is a land where men govern, but women rule. - John M Brown

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

The chief business of the American people is business. - Calvin Coolidge

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. - Gore Vidal

The United States has much to offer the Third World War. - Ronald Reagan

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it. - Gregory Nunn

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

The United States themselves are essentially the greatest poem. - Walt Whitman

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Communism has defeated itself everywhere except in American colleges. - Paul Harvey

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. - Gore Vidal

I found a country [America] with thirty-two religions and only one sauce. - Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Perogord

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. - Adlai Stevenson

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball. - Jacques Barzun

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

Vietnam was lost in the living rooms of America, not on the battlefields of Vietnam. - Marshall McLuhan

The middle class. Since when in America do we have classes? That's Marxism talk. - Rick Santorum

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America. - Donald Trump

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. - Will Rogers

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected. - Oscar Wilde

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client. - John Updike

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

I get the feeling that the two biggest problems in America today are making ends meet, and making meetings end. - Robert Orben

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

In America the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience. - Oscar Wilde

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

Does America really need to be the best at everything? You already dominate the world in economics, military power and obesity. - Trevor Noah

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business. - Donald Trump

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest. - George Carlin

Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. - Ann Landers

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. - Robert F. Kennedy

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney


Japanese Keyboard

Baby Peephole

Exit Not Found

Cat Burglar

Foot Race

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Lockdown Advice

Wii Way

Odor Detector

Associate Demonstration

Biden in the Oval Office

Poor Fishing Day

Mustache Breeze

Chain Weave Hairstyle

Jar of Birds

Wheely Unstable

Roman Segway Chariot

Rocky Orders

Snowmobile Races - Get There Early

Pocket Change

Welcome to Texas, USPS

Not Without A Washer

Jogger's Weight Scale

Toilet Snake