Make America Great Again

America can't beat anyone anymore. - George Clooney

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

America is addicted to wars of distraction. - Barbara Ehrenreich

America is a tune. It must be sung together. - Gerald Stanley Lee

God Bless America, written by Milton Berlin. - Archie Bunker

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy. - John Updike

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. - George Bernard Shaw

I came along when the black American needed an image. - Jesse Owens

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it. - Gregory Nunn

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

U.S. history - that's part of your whole American heresy. - Archie Bunker

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

America is the land of permanent waves and impermanent wives. - Brendan Behan

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy. - Margaret Thatcher

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Communism has defeated itself everywhere except in American colleges. - Paul Harvey

Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. - D.H. Lawrence

I found a country [America] with thirty-two religions and only one sauce. - Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Perogord

America forms the longest and straightest bone in the earth's skeleton. - Ellsworth Huntington

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes. - Will Rogers

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball. - Jacques Barzun

Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner. - Andrew Malcolm

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - Oscar Wilde

Vietnam was lost in the living rooms of America, not on the battlefields of Vietnam. - Marshall McLuhan

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

One third of the people in the United States promote while the other two thirds provide. - Will Rogers

The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. - Adlai Stevenson

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. - Will Rogers

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

America is a melting pot; the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top. - Charlie King

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client. - John Updike

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America. - James Joyce

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

I get the feeling that the two biggest problems in America today are making ends meet, and making meetings end. - Robert Orben

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business. - Donald Trump

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney