Make America Great Again

The best of America drifts to Paris. - F Scott Fitzgerald

America is addicted to wars of distraction. - Barbara Ehrenreich

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy. - John Updike

America is a land where men govern, but women rule. - John M Brown

Mexico's making a fortune off the United States. - Donald Trump

United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it. - Gregory Nunn

America has no permanent friends or enemies, only interests. - Henry Kissinger

U.S. history - that's part of your whole American heresy. - Archie Bunker

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up. - Bill Vaughn

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Communism has defeated itself everywhere except in American colleges. - Paul Harvey

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

One third of the people in the United States promote while the other two thirds provide. - Will Rogers

All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. - Ernest Hemingway

America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense, human rights invented America. - Jimmy Carter

The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

Why is America the last best hope of Earth? What if it's Liechtenstein? Or, worse, Canada? - Sarah Vowell

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. - Adlai Stevenson

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde

Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. - Bill Clinton

A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labor and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. - Grover Cleveland

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

The largest party in America is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It's the party of non-voters. - Robert Reich

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America. - James Joyce

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

One good thing about living in America is that there is no neurosis too insignificant to merit its own paperback. - Deborah Solomon

America's present need is not heroics but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration. - Warren G. Harding

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. - Benjamin Franklin

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

In America the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience. - Oscar Wilde

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business. - Donald Trump

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest. - George Carlin

If Aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. - Stephen Hawking

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy