#1 humor site on the 'net

New Home Search

Are you allergic to dogs?

This is Lexi, she's an 8 week-old German Shepherd.
New Home Search thanks to Mike King

I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife, but it turns out she is allergic to dogs, so we are now looking to find her a new home. She is 59 years old, a beautiful and caring woman who can drive, is a great cook and keeps the house spotless.

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Ideal Guest: One who stays at home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

Birthquake: A woman's contractions during labor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Jade: A semi-precious stone or a semi-precious woman - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me. - Unknown

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

You see much more of your children once they leave home. - Lucille Ball

Peace and a well-built house cannot be bought too dearly. - Danish Proverb

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Give a landlord an inch and he'll build an apartment house. - American Proverb

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. - Erica Jong

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

A woman is like a teabag. Only in hot water do you realize how strong she is. - Nancy Reagan

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace. - Zig Ziglar

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman. - Conrad Hilton

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to. - John E Pearce

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, which doesn't say much for you. - Groucho Marx

A gentleman should never leave the house without a sharp knife, a good watch, and great hat. - Unknown

I believe in loyalty: I think when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick to it. - Eva Gabor

Liberate yourself today. At work or at home - you don't have to be how others expect you to be. - Elaine Harrison

Conscientious Woman: One who never breaks a confidence without first imposing the strictest secrecy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. - Thomas Moore

The primary purpose of a home is to reflect and to distribute the love of Christ. Anything that usurps that is idolatrous. - Ravi Zacharias

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Snow Sleep

21st Century Bride

SUV Haircut

Graphic Auto Accident (PG)

Cell Phone Book

Aussie Safety Sign

VW Snow Tractor

Math Riddle

Maiden Rock Illusion

Radioactive Games

Winter Bystander

Snow Good

Which One's Real?

Enough Art Supplies

Chinese Watermelon Sculptures

Sea Sand Art

Spot the Mistake

Image Challenge

Stroller Snow Tires

Is The Warming Still Global?

Snow Drifts Inside Your Car

Redneck Potter's Wheel

Winter Sucks