#1 humor site on the 'net

Pork Bean Christmas

Have a Root'n Toot'n Christmas!

Pork Bean Christmas thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Abstain from beans. - Pythagoras

Pulled pork jokes never get old. - Joel Edgerton

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

In Congress, it's all pork, all the time. - Jim Cooper

You can never put too much pork in your mouth. - Lewis Black

Ike runs the country, and I turn the pork chops. - Mamie Eisenhower

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Cogito ergo dim sum. (Therefore I think these are pork buns) - Robert Byrne

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. - Roseanne Barr

I'm such a foodie. If I see a pork chop, I'm eating it. - Josh Henderson

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. - Tom Robbins

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I am guilty of asking the Senate for pork and proud of the Senate for giving it to me. - Ted Stevens

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

It doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. - Casablanca

This is what I grew up on in Alsace. It's choucroute. I'd wake up every morning with the smell of cabbage and potatoes and pork. - Jean-Georges Vongerichten


It Should Start

Hi, My Name's Cliff - Drop Over Some Time!

Sparks Recycling

Last Gasp Request

Flower Shop For Men

Canadian Archaeology

Tank Top Security

One Beer A Day

Tennis Hammock

Fare Dodger

Husband of the Year

Bolder Boulder

Shoe Stop

Exactly How I Feel

Circle Of Life

Outback Waterhole

Next Week Plans

Cycle Feeding Your Cows

The Fall Of Adam

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Boat Hurdles

Bread Slice

Steak Sale

Take Away Food