#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Palm Tree

Fingerlings in the forest

Redneck Palm Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
If the sky falls, hold up your hands. - Spanish proverb

A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

Where a man feels pain he lays his hand. - Dutch Proverb

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. - John Berry

The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. - Spike Milligan

On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the 'escape' key. - Unknown

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. - William Penn

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle

Reason is our soul's left hand, faith her right. By these we reach divinity. - John Donne

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. - Rodney Dangerfield

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

When you throw mud at others, you not only get your hands dirty but also lose a lot of ground. - English Proverb

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers. - Frank King

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. - Will Rogers

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours. - Bernard Berenson

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The Sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. - Alexander Graham Bell

I wish I could stand on a busy street corner, hat in hand and beg people to throw me all of their wasted hours. - Bernard Berenson

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. - Groucho Marx

I wouldn't pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands. - Bill Murray

I'm telling you, things are getting out of hand. Or maybe I'm discovering that things were never in my hands. - Gordon Atkinson

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm always astonished by a forest. It makes me realise that the fantasy of nature is much larger than my own fantasy. - Gunter Grass

The problem is that we always look for the missing piece of the puzzle instead of finding a place for the one in our hand. - Alina Radoi

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

Miracle: An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. - Ambrose Bierce


Media Bondage

How Cumulus Clouds Are Formed

Sports Hernias

Low Expectation Autographs

The Moist Wet Territories

Cat Doormat

Redneck Foosball

Shining Stars

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Bach Flip

Apathy Mountain

My Toaster Is Broken

Solemate

Double Vision

Please Help My Car

Adultery

Moses' USB Tablets

Virus Update

Carnations vs. Roses

Waterproof Notepad

Sudoku Cats

Harlie's Angel

Ladder Load

Road To Nowhere