QuotaBillsWhy doesn't Tarzan have a beard? - George Carlin
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace
Don't point that beard at me – it might go off. - Groucho Marx
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
People think a Muslim has to have a turban or a big beard. It's stupid. - T-Pain
Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
A convention is a splendid place to study human nature. Man in a crowd is quite a different creature than man acting alone. - William Jennings Bryan
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger
Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves. - Bertrand Russell
Pride causes us to use our gifts as though they came from ourselves, not benefits received from God, and to usurp our benefactor's glory. - Bernard of Clairvaux
His mind is concrete and fastidious,
His nose is remarkably big;
His visage is more or less hideous,
His beard it resembles a wig. - Edward Lear