Under Control

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary. - Unknown

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

I have never seen anyone burn a flag. And if I did, it would take every ounce of restraint I had not to haul off and hit them. - Barack Obama

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell