#1 humor site on the 'net

When I Was Three

The joy of eating puddle mud pies

When I Was Three thanks to Emery Pettigrove

QuotaBills
What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman

Inspiration and genius - one and the same. - Victor Hugo

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. - Mark Twain

It takes an entire village to raise a child. - African Proverb

I preferred sewing to bossing little children. - Martha Jones

I love children if they're cooked properly. - WC Fields

A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. - Unknown

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

There is never a problem child; there is only a problem parent. - A.S. Neill

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. - Unknown

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso

As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen

Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment. - Doug Larson

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. - Plato

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

Children's games are hardly games. Children are never more serious than when they play. - Michel de Montaigne

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz

Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed in man. - Rabindranath Tagore

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

During World War II children were not allowed to trick or treat because there was a sugar shortage. - Linda Bozzo

Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Unknown

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

If a child, a spouse, a life partner, or a parent depends on you and your income, you need life insurance. - Suze Orman

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

Enthusiasm is the inspiration of everything great. Without it no man is to be feared, and with it none despised. - Christian Nevell Bovee

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves. - Anna Quindlen

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia


2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House

Diaper Change

Palestinian Security Check

Wurst-Case Scenario

High-Rise Inifinity Pool

Winter Kayaking

Balanced Family Life

Closed Ahead

Forgettable Fishing Trips