#1 humor site on the 'net

18 Carat Necklace

She asked her husband for an 18 carat necklace

18 Carat Necklace thanks to Mike King

Edible gift jewelry from a caring Redneck husband

QuotaBills
Love is the only gold. - Alfred Tennyson

No gold, no Holy Ghost. - Samuel Butler

No pressure, no diamonds. - Mary Case

Speak silver, reply gold. - Swahili Proverb

Where gold speaks every tongue is silent. - Italian Proverb

Through darkness diamonds spread their richest light. - John Webster

Diamonds are only lumps of coal that stuck to their jobs. - Malcolm Forbes

The just man may sin with an open chest of gold before him. - Italian Proverb

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it. - John F Kennedy

They bequeathed the gleaming gold, treasure of men, to earth. - Beowulf

It is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain

It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain

I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. - Emma Goldman

Rappers wear diamonds to compensate for a lack of fashion sense. - Asap Rocky

You meet your friend, your face brightens - you have struck gold. - Kassia

The more you get past pain, the more it goes from coal to diamond. - Jodi Picoult

A gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself. - Mae West

Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough. - Mary McLeod Bethune

Contentment, like a flawless diamond, is a valuable and scarce commodity. - Dennis Rainey

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

It's diamonds in your pockets one week, macaroni and cheese the next. - Jolene Blalock

I'm a dirt person. I trust the dirt. I don't trust diamonds and gold. - Eartha Kitt

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Diamonds are instrinsically worthless, except for the deep psychological need they fill. - Nick Oppenheimer

Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust. - John Webster

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children. - Unknown

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

Liking the Leafs is like having molten gold poured into your face. It's gold, but it's burning your face off. - Sean Cullen

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

The diamond may adorn royalty, regardless of personal worth; but jewels of thought render even poverty illustrious and sublime. - Gems for the Fireside

In this year, King Aethelstan, Lord of Warriors, ring-giver to men... won eternal glory, in battle with sword edges, around Brunaburh. - Unknown

A diamond, which is the hardest of stones, not yielding unto steel, emery or any other thing, is yet made soft by the blood of a goat. - Thomas Browne

With so much to be aware of, awareness bracelets have reverted to signifying nothing more than color itself. Idealism has devolved into fashion. - Timothy Noah

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. - Richard Harris


Stool There

Soldier Tribute

It Was That Close

Messy Temper Tantrum

Big Tame Hunter

Exactly Enough Space

Coca Cola Twins

Sidetracked Baby

Breakthrough Blessings

Pauper's Graveside Service

Are You Ready?

Pulling The Wool Over Your Eyes

Girlfriends

How To Weigh Yourself Correctly

Bungee Cord Suspenders

Clogged Drain

Lum-Purr-Jack

Cookie King

Time Travel

How To Hide Candy

Little Shaver

T-Rex Breakthrough

Wise Moves

Braille in the Park