AntiClaus

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

I'm not a pirate. I'm an innovator. - Ken Dotcom

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy. - Steve Jobs

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Charity followed the pirate. To salvation or to hell, she would soon find out. - Tamara Hughes

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

There is more treasure in books than all the pirate's loot on treasure island. - Walt Disney

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. - Todd Barry

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

A man never spoke ill of his captain, pirate or no, unless he was prepared to back his words with the might of the crew. - Matt Tomerlin

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple