#1 humor site on the 'net

CarGate

Antique-ated way of entering a used car dealership

CarGate thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Grove giveth and Gates taketh away. - Bob Metcalfe

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness. - Unknown

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

At the door of life, by the gate of breath, there are worse things waiting for men than death. - A.C. Swinburne The Triumph Of Time

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Relics: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. - Unknown

Humility before the flower at the timber line is the gate which gives access to the path up the open fell. - Dag Hammarskjold

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Both in thought and in feeling, even though time be real, to realise the unimportance of time is the gate of wisdom. - Bertrand Russell

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind. - Virginia Woolf

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

Perseverance is a great element of success; if you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Bobslide Event

Holy Bagel

Happy Down Under Day

In Deep Water

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Lean Beer

Cow Skiing

Trail Closed

Toothpaste Holder

Sun Top Roof With Sun Substitute

Tiger Dog

No More Arguing

Multi-Pour Coffee Pot

Things Bottled Up

Cake Message

SnowCut

Depressing Situation

Dark Ages for Jews

Chinese BBQ

Starbucks Goes Extra Mile

Turbo Snail

Power Outage

Beijing Redneck

Late Lecture