Ebola Can Be Eaten

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

That virus is a pussycat. - Peter Duesberg

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. - Maya Angelou

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Ignorance is a virus. Once it starts spreading, it can only be cured by reason. - Neil Tyson

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

We have to nip Ebola in the bud before it spreads through Africa and to other countries. - Mark Zuckerberg

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville