QuotaBillsI told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Drill Sergeant: An army dentist. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown
This virus just breaks all the rules. - Thomas Scott
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. - Maya Angelou
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense. - Beau M
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Ignorance is a virus. Once it starts spreading, it can only be cured by reason. - Neil Tyson
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
We have to nip Ebola in the bud before it spreads through Africa and to other countries. - Mark Zuckerberg
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz