Fake News

No news is good news. - Ludovic Halevy

Moose are the squirrels of Alaska. - Tim Moon

Literature is news that stays news. - Ezra Pound

A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit. - Sarah J. Parker

No news is good news; no journalists is even better. - Nicolas Bentley

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

When the news is scary, you should look for the helpers. - Fred Rogers

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income. - Will Rogers

Pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on earth. - Daniel M Ortberg

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips. - Joan Rivers

You can't fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal. - William S. Burroughs

I'm as strong as a bull moose and you can use me to the limit. - Theodore Roosevelt

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. - Gloria Borger

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

If you don't know how great this country is, I know someone who does; Russia. - Robert Frost

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

Hard men present hard choices - none more so than Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia. - Hillary Clinton

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx

I think Kazan is Russia's sportiest city after Moscow, leaving all the others far behind. - Marat Safin

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

I pranced around the room like a blind moose, but what I lacked in grace I made up for in effort. - Kiera Cass

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

Sometimes an alien would stand with a moose, not because of solidarity, but because of accidentally doing it. - Tao Lin

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to 'prove their love' like a moose needs a hat rack. - Abigail VanBuren

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. - Yakov Smirnoff

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff