Fake News

No news is good news. - Ludovic Halevy

Anything that consoles is fake. - Iris Murdoch

Literature is news that stays news. - Ezra Pound

Sympathy is a crutch. Never fake a limp. - Unknown

None loves the messenger who brings bad news. - Sophocles

When everything gets answered, it's fake. - Sean Penn

The man who laughs has not yet heard the news. - Bertolt Brecht

How can I tell if humility is genuine or fake? - David J. Bobb

The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest. - Henry David Thoreau

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. - Winston Churchill

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

Pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on earth. - Daniel M Ortberg

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

This is good news... If the Persians hide the sun, we shall do battle in the shade. - Herodotus

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Hard men present hard choices - none more so than Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia. - Hillary Clinton

I pranced around the room like a blind moose, but what I lacked in grace I made up for in effort. - Kiera Cass

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

You know what they say in Hollywood - the most important thing is being sincere, even if you have to fake it. - Cesar Romero

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Unknown

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is. How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self. - Millicent Fenwick

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump