Fake News

No news is good news. - Ludovic Halevy

Anything that consoles is fake. - Iris Murdoch

Moose are the squirrels of Alaska. - Tim Moon

Literature is news that stays news. - Ezra Pound

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit. - Sarah J. Parker

The man who laughs has not yet heard the news. - Bertolt Brecht

No news is good news; no journalists is even better. - Nicolas Bentley

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. - Winston Churchill

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back. - Bob Hope

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income. - Will Rogers

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

You can't fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal. - William S. Burroughs

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. - Gloria Borger

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

If you don't know how great this country is, I know someone who does; Russia. - Robert Frost

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia. - Marat Safin

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

Hard men present hard choices - none more so than Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia. - Hillary Clinton

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

I think Kazan is Russia's sportiest city after Moscow, leaving all the others far behind. - Marat Safin

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

You know what they say in Hollywood - the most important thing is being sincere, even if you have to fake it. - Cesar Romero

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Unknown

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. - Yakov Smirnoff

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus