Fake News

Anything that consoles is fake. - Iris Murdoch

Literature is news that stays news. - Ezra Pound

None loves the messenger who brings bad news. - Sophocles

The man who laughs has not yet heard the news. - Bertolt Brecht

All new news is old news happening to new people. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest. - Henry David Thoreau

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

When the news is scary, you should look for the helpers. - Fred Rogers

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect. - Dylan Moran

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

I'm as strong as a bull moose and you can use me to the limit. - Theodore Roosevelt

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. - Gloria Borger

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

If you don't know how great this country is, I know someone who does; Russia. - Robert Frost

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia. - Marat Safin

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic. - Winston Churchill

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Moose: An animal that has a head and horns on one end and a living room wall on the other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hard men present hard choices - none more so than Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia. - Hillary Clinton

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx

I think Kazan is Russia's sportiest city after Moscow, leaving all the others far behind. - Marat Safin

In the beginning was the Lie and the Lie was made news and dwelt among us, graceless and false. - Malcolm Muggeridge

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

Sometimes an alien would stand with a moose, not because of solidarity, but because of accidentally doing it. - Tao Lin

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to 'prove their love' like a moose needs a hat rack. - Abigail VanBuren

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld

As you've noticed, people don't want to be sold. What people do want is news and information about the things they care about. - Larry Weber

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. - Ogden Nash

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff