In Stitches

Gags die, humor doesn't. - Jack Benny

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. - Robert Frost

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

When humor goes, there goes civilization. - Erma Bombeck

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - Clive James

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. - Edward de Bono

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

Laughter crosses boundaries of class and age. Humour is universal. - Jeremy Lloyd

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

The scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. - Michael J. Fox

A decrepit society shuns humour as a decrepit individual shuns drafts. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Bad humour is an evasion of reality; good humour is an acceptance of it. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. - George Herbert

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

A sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any religion so far devised. - Tom Robbins

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of our superiority to all that befalls us. - Romain Gary

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. - E.B. White

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall. - Alan Bennett

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. - Jesse Ventura

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood. - Lou Holtz

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. - Mark Twain

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. - Tina Fey

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. - Horace Walpole

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler