In Stitches

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

You got a very warfed sense of humor. - Archie Bunker

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. - Robert Frost

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

When humor goes, there goes civilization. - Erma Bombeck

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - Clive James

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humour section. - John Callahan

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way. - Allen Klein

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. - Edward de Bono

The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense. - Jacob Riis

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. - Doug Larson

The scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. - Michael J. Fox

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humour. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance. - W Somerset Maugham

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

I want someone who can keep me on my toes, has a good sense of humor and a good heart. - Carmen Electra

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. - Maurice Sendak

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones

You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it. - Allen Klein

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter. - Alice Meynell

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. - Simon Wiesenthal

When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. - Tina Fey

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humor. - Ralph Inge

I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. - Anne W. Schaef

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

She raised us with humor, and she raised us to understand that not everything was going to be great, but how to laugh through it. - Liza Minnelli

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost. - James Thurber

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. - E.B. White

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler