In Stitches

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Puns are a form of humor with words. - Guillermo C. Infante

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You got a very warfed sense of humor. - Archie Bunker

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Humor is a painful thing told playfully. - Charles W Jarvis

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

When humor goes, there goes civilization. - Erma Bombeck

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

Laughter crosses boundaries of class and age. Humour is universal. - Jeremy Lloyd

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

The scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. - Michael J. Fox

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

A decrepit society shuns humour as a decrepit individual shuns drafts. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society. - William M Thackeray

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

Humour and irony include tragedy; they're two sides of the same coin. - Maurizio Cattelan

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. - Mary Hirsch

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

I've learned to have a sense of humor about myself. Lord knows everyone else does! - Debbie Gibson

I want someone who can keep me on my toes, has a good sense of humor and a good heart. - Carmen Electra

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones. - William S Coffin

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of our superiority to all that befalls us. - Romain Gary

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter. - Alice Meynell

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

Companies need to lighten up and take themselves less seriously. They need to get a sense of humor. - Unknown

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. - George Saunders

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall. - Alan Bennett

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. - Jesse Ventura

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. - Lana Turner

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

There's nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face. - Eva Hoffman

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

She raised us with humor, and she raised us to understand that not everything was going to be great, but how to laugh through it. - Liza Minnelli

The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune. - Bert Williams

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. - Horace Walpole

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. - E.B. White

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart