In Stitches

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Puns are a form of humor with words. - Guillermo C. Infante

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Our humor turns our anger into a fine art. - Mary Kay Blakely

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. - Larry Gelbart

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin

A sense of humour is the ability to laugh at one's self. - Charlie Chaplin

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. - Edward de Bono

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society. - William M Thackeray

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance. - W Somerset Maugham

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. - Max Eastman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor. - Peter Segal

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. - Sarah Silverman

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones

You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it. - Allen Klein

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. - Thomas W. Higginson

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

Companies need to lighten up and take themselves less seriously. They need to get a sense of humor. - Unknown

Humour is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them. - Lewis Mumford

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. - George Saunders

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. - Jesse Ventura

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

There's nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face. - Eva Hoffman

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. - George Jean Nathan

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - Clive James

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. - Horace Walpole

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler