In Stitches

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

Puns are a form of humor with words. - Guillermo C. Infante

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain

When humor goes, there goes civilization. - Erma Bombeck

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Our humor turns our anger into a fine art. - Mary Kay Blakely

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

I think God has a tremendous sense of humor. - Rainn Wilson

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

The next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. - Frank A. Clark

The scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. - Michael J. Fox

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Humour and irony include tragedy; they're two sides of the same coin. - Maurizio Cattelan

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. - Mark Twain

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. - George Herbert

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

A sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any religion so far devised. - Tom Robbins

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself. - Clifton Fadiman

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. - Agnes Repplier

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. - Max Eastman

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. - Maurice Sendak

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter. - Alice Meynell

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. - Lana Turner

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. - George Jean Nathan

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James

The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune. - Bert Williams

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. - E.B. White

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz