#1 humor site on the 'net

Lum-Purr-Jack

Feline Fallers have an axe to grind

Lum-Purr-Jack thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
You gotta be kitten me. - Unknown

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

Don't judge a cat by its coat. - Magdalena VandenBerg

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Cataract: Where cats hang their coats. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When the cat's away, the mice will play. - French Proverb

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix

Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. - Hazel Nicholson

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat. - Leo Dworkin

Costumes and scenery alone will not attract audiences. - Anna Held

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat. - Ogden Nash

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

Skunk: 1. A streamlined cat with a 2-tone finish and a fluid drive; 2. A community scenter. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen


False Teeth

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Rabbit or Duck?

Radar Replacement

I Shoot People!

Evolution and Philosophy

Owl Get Around To It

Redneck Piton

The World Is Going Down The Drain

First Dodge Ram

Moldy Bible

Aussie Definition of 'Lucky'

Church on Wheels

Hungry Tree

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Soda Bottle Boat

Princess Parking

Perpetual Motion

Math Opinion

Redneck Bull-Only Carrier

Creative Clothing

Re-Ewes Me

Owlympics Bobsled

4 Men, 1 Face