#1 humor site on the 'net

Ring Bell

A good use for door to door salesmen

Ring Bell thanks to Karon Koslov

Ring Bell - if no answer, pull weeds

QuotaBills
Going to the woods is going home. - John Muir

If you call one wolf, you invite the pack. - Bulgarian Proverb

Wherever you are is my home - my only home. - Charlotte Bronte

We can dance on pinheads till the cows come home. - Alastair Campbell

By listening, marketing will re-learn how to talk. - David Weinberger

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. - Twyla Tharp

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi

Safety Belt: The one you don't drink before driving home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A person of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds. - Unknown

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Marketing is far too important to leave to the marketing department. - David Packard

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

Tell her I ain't crawlin' home to her with my tail between her legs. - Archie Bunker

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. - Bob Newhart

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

Liberate yourself today. At work or at home - you don't have to be how others expect you to be. - Elaine Harrison

How do we persevere when we're adrift at sea, severed from wherever or whomever is our 'home'? - Lois Anderson

One of television's great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Eden is that old-fashioned house
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away. - Emily Dickinson

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Vacation Time: That period when the flowers in the home garden are at their best and only the neighbours are around to enjoy them - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Even when you are marketing to your entire audience or customer base, you are still simply speaking to a single human at any given time. - Ann Handley

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller


How Much Time Left

Expandable Equation

Devoted Husband

Statue of Libertea

Beaver Stretching

Social Media Explained

Famous Equations

Ain't Mowing the Lawn Anymore

Crocpox

Deer Me!

Inverted Helicopter

Water Hat

NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category

Busted

Build It - They Will Come

Exhausted Baby

Monkeypox II

Overloaded Bookshop

Grass Leak

Family Tent

False Dreams

Fishnet Stockings

Saskatchewan Freeway

They All Look So Jacozy