Say No To Gasoline

Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

Irony is the hygiene of the mind. - Elizabeth Bibesco

Hypocrisy is the most obvious of sins. - John McCain

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy. - Ambrose Bierce

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Irony: 1. Being witty at all costs; 2. A vegetarian catching swine flu. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. - Frederick Douglass

Humour and irony include tragedy; they're two sides of the same coin. - Maurizio Cattelan

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos. - Karl W F Schlegel

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

The irony of the matter is that the future generations do not have a vote. In effect, we hold their proxy. - Charles J Hitch

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia

I find capitalism repugnant. It is filthy, it is gross, it is alienating... because it causes war, hypocrisy and competition. - Fidel Castro

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. - Oscar Wilde

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz