Say No To Gasoline

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy. - Ambrose Bierce

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Irony is just honesty with the volume cranked up. - George Saunders

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

Irony became the head that bit its tail and then there is no way out. - Alejandro G Inarritu

Humour and irony include tragedy; they're two sides of the same coin. - Maurizio Cattelan

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily blessed with a vein of it. - Charles Lamb

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

Why is sunset more colorful than sunrise? It's an irony of life saying, "Sometimes, good things happen in goodbyes." - Unknown

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. - Oscar Wilde

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright