Say No To Gasoline

Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

Hypocrisy is the most obvious of sins. - John McCain

People use irony as a defense mechanism. - David Byrne

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Traffic Ticket: Finale of the policeman's bawl - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Irony: 1. Being witty at all costs; 2. A vegetarian catching swine flu. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Humour and irony include tragedy; they're two sides of the same coin. - Maurizio Cattelan

Current Events: 1. What an electrician worries about; 2. Electric shocks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We're all just ghosts on a wire seeking the prick of an electric thought. - Robert Fanney

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

Irony is the form of paradox. Paradox is what is good and great at the same time. - Karl W F Schlegel

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. - Maurice Sendak

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

The salesman knows nothing of what he is selling save that he is charging a great deal too much for it. - Oscar Wilde

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I find capitalism repugnant. It is filthy, it is gross, it is alienating... because it causes war, hypocrisy and competition. - Fidel Castro

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. - Oscar Wilde

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz