Canadian Twins

Deceitful: Infant who needs changing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

The great man is one who never loses his child’s heart. - Mencius

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. - Maria Montessori

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

When I was a child, nobody died; but now it happens all the time. - Unknown

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

When I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid. - Quentin Crisp

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

The child should gain no request by anger; when he is quiet let him be offered what was refused when he wept. - Seneca

Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours. - Orison Swett Marden

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer. - Andy Warhol

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan