#1 humor site on the 'net

Gene Lifeguard

Swimming hazards in the Gene Pool

Gene Lifeguard thanks to Chris Kane

QuotaBills
You live as long as you are remembered. - Russian Proverb

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Dishtemper: What family members suffer from after dinner - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. - Steven Wright

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Conventions are like coins, an easy way of dealing with the commerce of relations. - Freya Stark

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

My first advice on how not to grow old would be to choose your ancestors carefully. - Bertrand Russell

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Until you become a parent, you can't begin to discover your capacity for strength, love and fatigue. - Peter Gallagher

Every family story has 1,000 other stories contained within it, like an unending series of nesting dolls. - Alison Pick

All dentists talk while they work. They have inherited this from their professional ancestors, the barbers. - Mark Twain

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

Happiness is being content with what you have, living in freedom and liberty, having a good family life and good friends. - Divyanka Tripathi

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself, but for his family. - Reed Markham

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

If you have a family mission statement that clarifies what your purpose is, then you use that as the criterion by which you make the decisions. - Stephen Covey

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. - Oscar Wilde


Political Promise Transporter

Jam Packed Suitcase

All White Meat

Alien Moon Landing

Nothing But Net

Bible Bar

Branding Inspiration for Graphic Designers

Original Homeland Security - 2nd Amendment

Sunday Weather Forecast

On The Eighth Day

Moses Parting the Ice Field

Texas Limo

No Smoking Fish

New Brunswick Swimming Pools

Box Car

Night Shift for a Computer Geek

Meep Meep

German Emergency Road Share

Bus Stop

Tell Me Why You Can't Work

The Last Photo I Took

Saskatchewan Harley

Secret Passage

PLZSTOP