#1 humor site on the 'net

Ground Control To Major Tom

David Bowie's tomcat inspiration

Ground Control To Major Tom thanks to Keith Blake

Space Oddity by David Bowie

Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground Control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God's love be with you

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

QuotaBills
A day is a miniature eternity. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to put a ding in the universe. - Steve Jobs

Come quickly, I am drinking the stars. - Dom Perignon

No matter how small the star is, it still shines. - John McKinley Pride Jr.

Reputation is for time; character is for eternity. - J.B. Gough

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

Ad astra per aspera. (To the stars through difficulties) - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of our science. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mmm. Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing. - Yoda

True science teaches, above all, to doubt and be ignorant. - Miguel de Unamuno

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. - Galileo Galilei

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman

I am a great fan of science, but I cannot do a quadratic equation. - Terry Pratchett

To err is human; to try to prevent recurrence of error is science. - Unknown

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. - Oscar Wilde

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program. - Larry Niven

Humor does not diminish the pain - it makes the space around it get bigger. - Allen Klein

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - John Dewey

Wandering re-establishes the original harmony which once existed between man and the universe. - Anatole France

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. - John Muir

If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars. - Rabindranath Tagore

I'm shy in person - so afraid to confess my love - I need a go-between - our mutual friend, the Moon. - John Geddes

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe. - Alfonso X, the Wise

Some say cling to the earth while others say reach for the stars. There's time enough for the earth in the grave. - Unknown

All our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike - and yet it is the most precious thing we have. - Albert Einstein

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in Church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. - Fred Allen

That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology. - Carl Sagan

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare

I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out of the hamburger joints. If I don't fight, I'll eat this planet. - George Foreman


2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Does Your Hedgehog Bite?

Lazy Line Painters

Vegan Brownies

From Start To Finish

Milkshake Diet

Hand Speech

Software Cake

Bland Entrance

Preikestolen Pulpit Rock

Redneck Firemen

Side Rail

Icy Grip Of Winter

Brace For The Resolutioners

Shining Armor Knight

Icicle Drinks

Incontinent Pool

Handstand Snowman

Woke Up Early

Sincere Compliment

Snow Storage

Redneck Winter Spa

HoverCraft

Associate Demonstration