#1 humor site on the 'net

Heading To The Branch Office

Moving on to greener pastures

Heading To The Branch Office thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Relief: What trees do in the spring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Elderberry: Wisest fruit on the branch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

Hunger will lead a fox out of the forest. - Poland Proverb

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time. - Katrina Mayer

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness. - John Muir

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one's own. - Willa Cather

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

I'm always astonished by a forest. It makes me realise that the fantasy of nature is much larger than my own fantasy. - Gunter Grass

There comes a stage at which a man would rather die cleanly by a bullet than by the unknown terror of the phantom in the forest. - Tahir Shah

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Life Expectancy by Age

Construction Clouds

It's Been A Good Day

Worst Aid

Dyslexic Camper

Moon Filament

Car Dirt Art

Newfie Swimming Pool

Stoned Sign

Redneck Plumbers

Someone Stole A Cracker

Moose Pedestrian

Hardtail Bike

Redneck Adjustable Shower

OCD Guy

Garage Add-on

Cow Vacation

ChristMoose Tree

Pilot Prop Job

Crow Species

Lawn Mirror

Fishing Addiction

Hairy Potter