#1 humor site on the 'net

Hubcap Shine

Dishwater duty when the wife is out

Hubcap Shine thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

Baking is like washing - the results are equally temporary. - Patricia Briggs

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia. - Marat Safin

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. - Erma Bombeck

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good. - Abe Lemons

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

The nice thing about being detained in Canada is it's like being in a Days Inn; it's very clean and very nice. - Bill Ayers

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When you know you're right, you don't care what others think. You know sooner or later it will come out in the wash. - Barbara McClintock

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Pine Trees Know When It's Easter

Beware Of Who Is Watching Over Your Church

Handicap Ramp

Kick Out Boxing

Patience and Wisdom

Submarine Racing

Dead Sea Burgers

Sick Statue

I Will Never Understand Fashion

Courtesy Option

Ab Enhancer

Family Planning Advice

Cracks Me Up

Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car