Pets Come First

Catacomb: A feline grooming tool - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? - George Carlin

Man is by nature a political animal. - Aristotle

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Rebellions of the belly are the worst. - Francis Bacon

Camelot: Parking area for humped animals - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I never act. I simply bring out the real animal that's in me. - Willem Dafoe

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. - Samuel Butler

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. - Marjorie Johnson

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. - H L Mencken

I like cookies, any cookie you put in front of me - animal cookies, sugar cookies, anything crunchy. - Maria Shriver

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

I was readin' an article about the animal population - there's millions of pets explodin'. - Archie Bunker

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice. - Stephen Covey

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness. What temperature. - Danny Meyer

If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence. - Will Cuppy

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Ugly animals have it rough. We're more likely to eat them or let them go extinct, and less likely to adopt them from animal shelters. - Joshua A Krisch

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it. - Robert Brault