Pets Come First

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Man is by nature a political animal. - Aristotle

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

Only animals were not expelled from Paradise. - Milan Kundera

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. - Rodney Dangerfield

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. - Unknown

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. - George Orwell

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

I'm definitely an animal lover, and I stand up for all animals' rights. - Laura Mennell

Well washed and combed domestic pets grow dull; they miss the stimulus of fleas. - Francis Galton

Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

If a man aspires towards a righteous life, his first act of abstinence is from injury to animals. - Leo Tolstoy

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Mahatma Gandhi

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

I was readin' an article about the animal population - there's millions of pets explodin'. - Archie Bunker

My favorite animal is a polar bear. They're going extinct, and I really don't want that to happen. - Quvenzhane Wallis

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence. - Will Cuppy

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? - Carol Burnett

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around. - Ernest Hemingway