Time To Retire

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples. - George Burns

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

I don't want to retire. I'm not that good at crossword puzzles. - Norman Mailer

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. - Unknown

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

When a man falls into his anecdotage, it is a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

You can retire from a job, but don't ever retire from making extremely meaningful contributions in life. - Stephen Covey

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire. - Samuel Johnson

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz