#1 humor site on the 'net

Trained Chickens

Home on the Range with Farm Security

Trained Chickens thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Chicken: An egg factory - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whisker: A chef who beats eggs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hatchet: What a hen does to an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Deviled Eggs: What wicked chickens lay - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Helicopter: An egg beater with ambition - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Take the chick and the hen will follow you. - Proverb

You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. - German Proverb

Cackle: The commercial announcement of a hen. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A Chicken in Every Pot and a Car in Every Garage - Herbert Hoover

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. - French Proverb

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

Put all your eggs in one basket, and then watch that basket. - Mark Twain

If one cannot catch the bird of paradise, better take a wet hen. - Nikita Krushchev

Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. - H L Mencken

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black

Like blind hens, we are ignorant of our own self and the depths within us. - Johannes Tauler

If everything is good in the henhouse yous don't have to go out for eggs. - Archie Bunker

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray

Being kissed by a man who doesn't wax his moustache is like eating an egg without salt. - Rudyard Kipling

Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all of your eggs in one basket. - Evan Esar

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. - Bernard Meltzer

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection

Public Transportation In Scotland

Guarded Nights

Financial Meltdown

Fox Kabob

Microwaved Bulb... Watts You Won't See

Saks-e Parking Job

Griller Bees

Texting While Cycling

Redneck Manicure

Police Profiling In Canada

Tree Stand

No Worries

Hospital Gown Insurance

Facebook Red Light

Redneck Speed Bump

Scientific Driving Test