#1 humor site on the 'net

Ahead Of You

Out of shape but still winning the race

Ahead Of You thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Fat: Energy gone to waist - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Marathon runners set explicit goals. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Every runner is an experiment of one. - George Sheehan

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Have a healthy disregard for the impossible. - Larry Page

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I'd be honest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. - Barry Gray

The way to make money is to buy when blood is running in the streets. - John D Rockefeller

Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting. - Bill Murray

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. - Unknown

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to create pretend identities. - Unknown

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates. - Alan Ayckbourn

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. - James Thurber

There is nothing more beautiful in this world than a healthy, wise old man. - Lin Yutang

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? - Bill Murray

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

It was amazing I won. I was running against peace and prosperity and incumbency. - George W. Bush

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can run a sprint or you can run a marathon, but you can't sprint a marathon. - Ryan Holmes

Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort. - Dolly Parton

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why. - James Thurber

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate. - Jarod Kintz

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

Imagining what a character will do in a given situation - it's like an equation, and working it out is a marathon rather than a sprint. - Callum Turner

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Giant Texas Red Centipede

Snow Barrier

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Buddhist Tempull

Truck Lift Repair

In-Spired Safety Tip

Secruity Parking Spot

Only In Thailand - Time To Clean The Pet Snake

Remote Outdoors

Scaffolding for the Dirt Cheap Contractor

Fix It Later Detour

I Smell A Rat

Adhesive Shade

Be Anything You Want

Tractor Pull

Canadian Ice Shrub

I Eat Soldiers For Breakfast

Toepener

No-Lake Picture

Logging Chairlift

Milkshake Desweetener

Dog Marathon

Global Warming Protest

Canadian Fast Food