Buy One Get One Free

Genius is sorrow's child. - John Adams

The Child is father of the Man. - William Wordsworth

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. - Joe Houldsworth

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins

Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. - Maria Montessori

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

I'm contributing to the, waddya call, on the loosincy of a child. - Archie Bunker

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. - Albert Einstein

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. - Plato

What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

If a child, a spouse, a life partner, or a parent depends on you and your income, you need life insurance. - Suze Orman

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun. - Jane Goodall

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours. - Orison Swett Marden

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer. - Andy Warhol

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason; to always be curious; and to fight tirelessly for something. - Paulo Coelho

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child's soul. - Friedrich Frobel

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren