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Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Germ: A little bug with influence - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Humanity is just a virus with shoes. - Bill Hicks

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Corona: A person who possesses a vehicle. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Growth itself contains the germ of happiness. - Pearl S. Buck

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Democracy breeds the germs of its own destruction. - V I Lenin

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Every time somebody gets the Ebola virus, it mutates. - Glenn Beck

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes. - Richard M Nixon

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Ignorance is a virus. Once it starts spreading, it can only be cured by reason. - Neil Tyson

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Equine Influenza: A viral respiratory disease which causes flu-like symptoms in horses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Viral marketing is almost like finding love. You have to stop doing it to actually make it happen. - Tim Topham

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The concept that vaccine-induced immunity is superior in any way to natural immunity is sheer nonsense. - Dr Steven Pelech

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


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