#1 humor site on the 'net

Croatian Landscaping

All went well until they came upon the first overpass

Croatian Landscaping thanks to Winston Roffe

QuotaBills
A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

Hunger will lead a fox out of the forest. - Poland Proverb

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" - George Carlin

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one's own. - Willa Cather

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? - Unknown

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm always astonished by a forest. It makes me realise that the fantasy of nature is much larger than my own fantasy. - Gunter Grass

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


She's A Keeper

Algebra Relationship

Pumpkin Races

Bed Equalizer

David's Return To Italy

Sick Pumpkin

Winning An Argument With A Woman

Why Dogs Bite Their Owners

Barcode Eyelashes

Howloween

Caviar Burger

Icelandic Police Donuts

Size Matters

Crowd Surfing - Expert Level

Dream The Impossible

When Life Gets You Down

Redneck Estate Sale

How To Tweet Others

Nutella Soother

Autumn Camouflage

Go Play Outside

Be Someone

Arkansas Divorce Application

Three Finger Carrot