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Gags die, humor doesn't. - Jack Benny

Nobody ever died of laughter. - Max Beerbohm

Death can hide but not divide. - Vance Havner

Death is the price of revolution. - H. Rap Brown

When good Americans die they go to Paris. - Oscar Wilde

I would rather die of passion than of boredom. - Emile Zola

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? - Steven Wright

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt. - Joseph Heller

Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse. - Irene L. Luce

Death - the last sleep? No, it is the final awakening. - Walter Scott

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

After your death, you will be what you were before your birth. - Arthur Schopenhauer

'Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but death and taxes. - Christopher Bullock

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Violence is like a weed - it does not die even in the greatest drought. - Simon Wiesenthal

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H L Mencken

I preach as never sure to preach again, and as a dying man to dying men. - Richard Baxter

What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying. - Albert Camus

Only faith in Christ gives rise to a culture contrary to egotism and death. - Pope John Paul II

A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude. - Ambrose Bierce

Many people's tombstones should read: 'Died at 30. Buried at 60.' - Nicholas M Butler

You need to bury the hatchet. No need to hold grudges. That only weighs you down. - Ken Shamrock

It's better to die in pursuit of your dreams than to live a life without hope. - Terry Brooks

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. - Henry David Thoreau

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. - Robert Ingersoll

Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. - Yoda

Most God-ordained dreams die because we are not willing to do something that seems illogical. - Mark Batterson

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction. - Mark Twain

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be. - Lionel Barrymore

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. - Oscar Wilde

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

We are all the fools of time and terror: Days Steal on us and steal from us; yet we live, Loathing our life, and dreading still to die. - George Gordon Byron

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.) - Dorothy Parker

We had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion. - Ronnie Corbett


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