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For Americans

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For Americans thanks to Celia Barton

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Specimen: An Italo-American astronaut - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

When good Americans die they go to Paris. - Oscar Wilde

American cheese is the perfect soft taco. - Wylie Dufresne

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland. - Margaret Mahy

We can get all the Indians we need at the reservoir. - Samuel Goldwyn

I came along when the black American needed an image. - Jesse Owens

The chief business of the American people is business. - Calvin Coolidge

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. - Gore Vidal

Americans love popcorn, and their love doesn't quit. - Rosecrans Baldwin

You can't have all chiefs; you gotta have Indians too. - American Proverb

Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - Miles Kington

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum

Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps. - Prince Philip

American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. - George Bernard Shaw

Patriotic American: One who never orders from a menu anything he can't pronounce - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

Few Indians only had breech cloths, most being wrapped in buffalo robes, otherwise quite naked. - Zebulon Pike

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. - Bill Clinton

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labor and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. - Grover Cleveland

As a child, I was subjected to a lot of spaghetti Westerns and hated them. I wanted the Indians to win. - Kara Walker

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

Americans should not go abroad to slay dragons they do not understand in the name of spreading democracy. - John Quincy Adams

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

Indians are so dedicated to being so cheap for so long, that Indian people actually created the number zero. - Russell Peters

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

They're picking bananas in Brazil and them Indians down there, they don't care about what you look like. - Archie Bunker

Americans still believe in an America where anything's possible - they just don't think their leaders do. - Barack Obama

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. - Benjamin Franklin

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

I have never had to face anything that could overwhelm the native optimism and stubborn perseverance I was blessed with. - Sonia Sotomayor

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest. - George Carlin

If Aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. - Stephen Hawking

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford


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