#1 humor site on the 'net

Greedy Vegan

Tale of the Poor Carrot

Greedy Vegan thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
I hid myself in food. - Gordon Ramsay

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

Vegan: An alien from the planet Lettuce - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Keratin: What preserved carrots are sold in - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

There ain't no such thing as wrong food. - Sean Stewart

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

Bacon: the main reason you are not a vegetarian. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Onion Rings: Worn by vegetables when they get married - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

The universe is not a machine; it is an organic whole. - Ravi Zacharias

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

Food is not rational. Food is culture, habit, craving and identity. - Jonathan S Foer

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

Irony: 1. Being witty at all costs; 2. A vegetarian catching swine flu. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

The maxim that the "best is the cheapest" does not apply to food. - W.O. Atwater

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. - David Brenner

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

I love seafood. I'm not a vegetarian but I'm probably a pescetarian. - Padma Lakshmi

What else is there to live for? Chinese food and women. There is nothing else! - Dudley Moore

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. - Unknown

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

People want honest, flavourful food, not some show-off meal that takes days to prepare. - Ted Allen

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material. - Robin Williams

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. - Ambrose Bierce

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. - Will Rogers

I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. I don't even know where Sandwiches live. - Bill Murray

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. - Garrison Keillor

Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. - Ambrose Bierce

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. - Lisi Harrison

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration

Tennis Ball Retriever

One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk

Dates For Everyone

Max Occupancy Rounded to 100

Group Photo

Awning Truck Advertising

Harley Load

Face To Face

Who Needs Physics?

Benched Puppies

Water Relief

Shot Glasses

Men in Denim

Chocolate Couch

Ant Attack

Extreme Pressure Cooker