QuotaBillsI only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino
Parking is such street sorrow. - Herb Caen
I've made a career off of Halloween. - Cassandra Peterson
Broom parking only; all others will be toad. - Unknown
My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque
Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix
Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown
Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield
Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. - Will Rogers
I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee
Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem
Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen
The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence
Off-Campus Parking: Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining state - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters
When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
I actually have a stash of wigs for Halloween. But only for that. Not to play dress-up. - Alexa Vega
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan
Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey
Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani
Give me a guitar, give me a piano, give me a broom and string, I wouldn't get bored anywhere. - Keith Richards
Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world - an assigned parking space. - Gene Perret
When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown
We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey
Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla
As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson
The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran
If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland
Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli
In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar
I was Ashallayn’darkmyr Tallyn, son of Mab, former prince of the Unseelie Court, and I was not afraid of a witch on a broom. - Julie Kagawa
All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan
Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek
Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law."
WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields
All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright