Monster House

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

When is a monster not a monster? When you love it. - Caitlyn Siehl

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

Lawyers are like painters - once they get into a house, you never know when you will get rid of them again. - Peter A Graham

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

Eden is that old-fashioned house
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away. - Emily Dickinson

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules H Poincare

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright