#1 humor site on the 'net

No Extras Massage

Please stop asking for a happy ending

No Extras Massage thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. - Rodney Dangerfield

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

To play billiards well is a sign of ill-spent youth. - Charles Roupell

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority. - Alfred Adler

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. - Larry Wall

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias

Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Silence is the language of God; it is also the language of the heart. - Sivananda

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. - Gail Godwin

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut. - Sam Rayburn

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M Wright

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in... it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

It's a sign of age if you feel like the morning after the night before and you haven't been anywhere. - Unknown

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Who is apt, on occasion, to assign a multitude of reasons when one will do? This is a sure sign of weakness in argument. - Harriet Martineau

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Idling Eric Idle

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

High Heel Diver

Rising To The Occasion

Annual Meeting of the Ontario Summer Tires Club

I See You

Get Off Your High Horse

Redneck Towing

Revenge of the Stallion

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body

Billy the Eagle Owl

Star Wars Fisherman

The Devil's Swimming Pool

Pet Dentist

Nuts And Fruitcakes

Spiral Staircase

Scubaru

Nordern Minnesota Yeneral Store

Pigeon Drink

Epic Turban

Healthy Breakfast