#1 humor site on the 'net

The Passing Lane

Graduating from washing hands

The Passing Lane thanks to Keith Blake

That's a load of 2020!

QuotaBills
Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Grey skies are just clouds passing over. - Duke Ellington

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. - Robert H Schuller

To play billiards well is a sign of ill-spent youth. - Charles Roupell

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. - Larry Wall

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. - Earl Wilson

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood. - Salma Hayek

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

Language: The blood of the soul into which thoughts run, and out of which they grow - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. - Omar N Bradley

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

Life as pool table,
White is focus,
Others, targets.
Stick is your driving force! - Stricketer

It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence. - C S Lewis

Sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in. - Jane Austen

Human language appears to be a unique phenomenon, without significant analogue in the animal world. - Noam Chomsky

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Let nothing disturb thee,
Let nothing affright thee,
All things are passing,
God changeth never. - Teresa of Ávila

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. - Unknown

It is always good to know, if only in passing, charming human beings. It refreshes one like flowers and woods and clear brooks. - George Eliot

Delegating doesn't mean passing off work you don't enjoy, but letting your employees stretch their skills and judgment. - Harvey Mackay

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

There is a blessed necessity by which the interest of men is always driving them to the right, and making all crime mean and ugly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

You are no more exempt from time's inexorable passing than Macbeth. Whether time is your friend or foe depends on how you use it. - Patricia Fripp

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

We cannot afford not to live in the present. He is blessed over all mortals who loses no moment of the passing life in remembering the past. - Henry David Thoreau

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Moon Theft

Balanced Diet

Moosehead Towing

Famous Pets

Tongue Shoes

Bomb Squad Prank

Redneck Waterslide

Wailea Beach

Apple Art

Origin of the Whoopee Cushion

Better Lawyer

Laundry Goat

Meat Loaf

Better With A Beard

Fat Twin Sisters

Breathe in the Ocean

Tel Aviv Luxury Penthouse

Caffeine Boosters

Head Path

Proper English

Reese Witherspoon

Phones At Six

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles